You’ve Got Mail #1

Dear Jahar,

Someday, you will be free. When that day comes, I will rejoice that at last you have been cleared of all charges.

As time passes after your release, you may one day discover this blog. Your loved ones might advise you, as I surely would if I were them, to be careful what you read on line. There has been a lot of hate and anger since the bombs went off in Boston and I am sure no one knows this better than you.

As author and administrator of writingthewrongforjahar.com, I make sure no hateful comments ever appear on the blog. For that reason, you can safely read knowing you will not be surprised by a sudden dagger to the heart.

I am nearly finished reading “Rebuilding Your Broken World” by Gordon MacDonald. I checked it out from the library weeks ago and today I began the last section which is titled “The Rebuilding Process.”  All subsequent chapters dealt with how a person’s world can become broken apart in the first place.

The first chapter of this section is titled “Freeing the Bound-Up Heart.” I couldn’t have reached this section at a better time. Multiple parts of my own world have once again imploded.

This chapter begins:

The freest person in the world is one with an open heart, a broken spirit, and a new direction in which to travel.

In past centuries, it was a custom in many parts of China to keep the feet of young girls tightly wrapped.  Small feet and short steps were considered a mark of feminine physical attractiveness in the Chinese culture. Only in modern times has this discomforting and deforming practice been scuttled.

I have the principle of bound feet in mind when I ponder how we get on with the process of rebuilding a broken world. How do we take the pieces of life and begin the process of putting them back together again?

This is not a question for which I can offer easy or consistent answers.  I wish that I could, for I need them as well as many other people around me.

Today, the ability to keep putting one foot in front of the other arose from the fact that God spoke to me this afternoon, reminding me “A bruised reed He will not break and a dimly burning wick He will not quench.”  Matthew 12:20

I would not be surprised, Jahar, if you told me you feel like a bruised reed or a dimly burning wick after all you have been through. Healing takes time. From what I have observed and experienced myself, it comes in starts and stops, zigzags and back-and-forth motions. I wish it did not.

In times of great pain and anguish, I hate the journey of recovery. I want to arrive at the destination of healing yesterday. And I don’t want to be told that healing, for me, may involve accepting anything less than who and what I believed myself to be before the wounding. I don’t want any of my wounds to be permanent. I want to be able to completely forget. I don’t want to have to live with residue from the past.

But that is not reality.

The clinical depression that took over my life after a seven-year battle with enemies in the corporate world has likely changed me in a permanent way. It is a sign of progress to be able to say that because, as you can tell, I have a strong dislike of limitations. I set the bar high when it comes to my life and it was a shock to discover that others could lower that bar despite my best efforts to prevent them.

Acceptance is key and I am not by nature a very accepting person… I would rather fight and overcome and God has had His hands full convincing me there are other ways to define victory.

I don’t know where life will take you now. I only know that the same God who preserved you then is preserving you still. He had a reason for allowing (not causing, but allowing) you to go through this terrible storm and I believe you will find the path He meant for you to find all along and that path will fulfill you.

If you choose to respond to this letter, I will be able to see your email address and will respond myself privately. You can trust that anything said between us would remain private. I do not wish to exploit knowing you in any way. I am not interested in writing a book, granting an interview or anything selfish like that…

I write as a friend.

“Think of me as a fellow-patient in the same hospital who, having been admitted a little earlier, could give some advice.”  C. S. Lewis

Until I think of something else to say, I wish you peace, Jahar.

Lynn

P.S. If I were a song today, this would be it:

 Worn

 By: Tenth Avenue North

 I’m tired, I’m worn

My heart is heavy from the work it takes to keep on breathing

I’ve made mistakes

I’ve let my hope fail

My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world

And I know that You can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up

But I’m too weak –

Life just won’t let up

And I know that You can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin

Yeah, I’m worn even before the day begins

Yeah, I’m worn

I’ve lost my will to fight

I’m worn so heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That You can mend a heart that’s frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Yes all that’s dead inside will be reborn though I’m worn

Yeah I’m worn…

Published by: iwasleah10years

Winston Churchill said no crime is so great as daring to excel. I am ready to take that dare. An unexpected and somewhat unexplainable compassion for Dzhokhar Tsarnaev has drawn me out of my comfort zone.

4 Comments

4 thoughts on “You’ve Got Mail #1”

  1. Nice, but sad Lynn. There are so many people who struggle daily from so many different things. The world is full of injustice for millions and the heavy hearts it creates. Maybe it’s part of life, I don’t know. Dzhokhar has suffered more than most for sure but all suffering is painful. We can only get up each morning and hope for something good, a better day, even if we have to fight for it. Let’s all keep fighting and pray things get better for all, and let’s keep fighting for Dzhokhar’s freedom. I believe it can happen.

  2. Beautiful Lynn…I know one day Jahar will be free and it will be the truth that will get him there. I also know if I were him, I would email you because since the beginning you have shown compassion for him for the unfair trial, verdict, and sentencing he had. If anyone cares about him, it is you. He will see that, he will read that. Powerful song that I am familiar with…great choice for a beating heart like yours that is always getting tested but succeeds every time. For you are not alone Lynn…..not now not ever. Because when the struggle ends, the heart mends. Great blog Lynn! 💗

      1. And I’m beyond grateful you are in my life Lynn….words can’t describe how happy I am that our friendship is stronger than ever. Life is meaningless without me sharing my thoughts and dreams with you so I thank you!💞

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