I once got the brilliant idea to create a decoy wallet. I had a spare one lying around that I didn’t care much about so I put a little money in it. Then I started watching the mail for credit card offers. I saved a few of the credit card replicas that come attached to the offer letters and stuck those in the slots of the wallet.
Then I threw it in my purse to float around with all the other junk I normally carry. I know thieves usually order their female victims to hand over their whole purse but I figured if I was ever unfortunate enough to be accosted I would at least have the fake wallet available in the event my attacker was polite enough to ask for that item specifically.
My hope was that by the time the little creep realized my Capitol One card wasn’t worth the cardboard it was printed on, I and my real wallet would be long gone, assuming that out of fear, haste or habit I hadn’t reached in my purse and handed over the real one.
Let’s talk about another wallet-with-a-purpose: Tamerlan’s.
The one with the receipts conveniently tucked inside…
I mean really, who saves receipts for cash transactions? Nobody I know. And while we’re on the subject of saving receipts, how many guys do you know who save receipts for anything? Be honest.
So allegedly, Tamerlan buys items he intends to blow up, therefore, not likely to be returned. And he pays cash. Two big reasons not to save the receipts right?
Well, actually there is one reason: If my FBI handler tells me what to buy and says he is going to reimburse me, then and only then would I save the receipts. And if he is going to meet me after the drill in his say, Mercedes SUV, then I would keep them in my wallet.
And just so I get in the right Mercedes SUV, I’m going to be sure and say the pre-arranged code phrase: “You know the Boston Marathon bombing? I did that.” Otherwise, with a gun in my hand, talking is usually unnecessary. My weapon does the talking for me as I am let in my vehicle of choice… Once in, all I have to say is “Shut up and drive.”
What am I doing right now since I have no way of knowing if all this is true or not? I am doing what good defense attorneys do; I am looking at all the information available to me and creating reasonable doubt.
And about those pressure cookers: I could go online and read “How to Make a Bomb in the Kitchen of Your Mom” but I’d rather not trigger a knock on my door. So I am going to guess as to what the article says regarding where to get the necessary pressure cookers. I’m a gonna say: garage sale, thrift store… all different places, all different brands. It would take longer for investigators to track down my purchases afterwards right? I mean, why make it so easy for them? Why buy five of the same brand, at the same place? Why buy a brand so expensive they are only available at Macy’s?
Why not, if I know it’s just a drill, no crime will be committed in the alteration of these kitchen devices, AND I AM GOING TO BE REIMBURSED… Remember?
What’s this? More reasonable doubt? You betcha.
And what would I do if I was an investigator or attorney or blogger and someone began to pressure me to stop investigating, stop preparing so hard to defend my client, stop blogging? What would I do if I were threatened or offered a huge sum of money to not get an acquittal?
I would do what I did in the last legal battle I fought: create a paper trail. Sometimes threats and “suggestions” are delivered in person. This method guarantees there can be no evidence of it having happened. Right?
Wrong. If someone says something untoward to me pursuant to my case, they could expect an email from me that would read something like this:
Regarding the face to face conversation you initiated at my office at 1:00 pm today, I wish to confirm my understanding, but not agreement with, the following:
1) I am not to get an acquittal in the case of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev under any circumstances
2) If I do manage somehow to get an acquittal in the case of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, my career as an attorney will be over
3) If I agree not to get an acquittal in the case of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, I will be financially compensated
If I have left anything out please feel free to stop by again at any time. It was great seeing you.
And I would make copies, electronic copies, hard copies. And I would save them in lots of places. If the person who stopped by for a chat wouldn’t give me any contact information, I would create an email anyway and send it to myself and various other interested parties.
I’m sure this blog angers those who hate Dzhokhar and believe he is guilty. I’m sure they hate me for my views. I can only imagine the things I am accused of: supporting a terrorist, hating my country…
The truth is, I love my country and if I thought Dzhokhar wanted to kill and maim and would do it again if given the chance, I would never support him. This blog would not exist.
If there ever was a real trial with real witnesses who really saw Dzhokhar do something to cause the bombing and videos were shown that clearly revealed who did what and I was proven wrong, I would be the first to admit it. I’ve said that before. The trolls would have a laugh at my expense. I could handle that. No harm, no foul.
But what if I’m not wrong? That would mean a boy who is right now going through unimaginable hell returns home to heal. And those who would strike again may be found and made to take his place.
The following Bible verse seems especially appropriate to close with today:
“There is nothing covered up that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. Accordingly, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in the inner rooms will be proclaimed upon the housetops.” Luke 12: 2 – 3
Then sent in an email.